Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in twoblueyez4u's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, August 27th, 2009
1:20 am	Long Time It's been awhile since I have used this site. Wow this place was such an outlet for me at some time and I am so glad I have used it to check in on people without really checking in on them! I'm not gonna waste time talking about where my life is, and how much I have progressed as a person.... I'm 24 for God's sake! I better have progressed. I think about the people of my past and the people that used to read this and I can't help but think if only they knew me now! Let's talk about faves! Showtime! HELLO! Secret Diary of a Call Girl! Sexy, Seductive, Complex... almost excuses every moral issue that is involved with prostitution. Call girls seem like the way to go, no guilt involved this show makes it seem like it's the way things go. No worries. Nurse Jackie, the best hospital show ever! Is it the family dynamic, the addiction problem, or the dual life that has you hooked? It's all of the above for me! United States of Tara! Hands down best show ever! Marshall, every homo's iconic superhero of modern day. Kate the quintessential teenage agnest mixed with moral reasoning to become the boring but somewhat interesting subplot. Toni Collette is nothing short of amazing on the rollercoaster ride to trying to figure out what the fuck happened to make her turn into four maybe more different people! Augusten's Wolf at the Table nothing short of every homo's ideal ultimate satisfying revenge novel. Tragically written but beautifully capturing. Love in the Time of Cholera, possibly as beautiful as Shakespheare but just as hard to understand. Read with a buddy as motivation to keep on becuase it's worth it. Glass Castle. The author lives through the most bizarre parenting tatics I have ever read. At the same time all characters are so intriguing and at some point you relate to all of them. The female voice of Augusten Burroughs without the pschyologist. (Comment on this)
Monday, December 31st, 2007
3:16 am	Alone "together" is but to delay loneliness is no game to play fear is tricky to deceive uncertainty is all I receive alone is my mind's rest thoughts put to the test actions pathe a path will this relationship last? with others I'm still alone to the side I've been thrown given it all I'd still fall thoughts overruling it all I'm all alone a stranger in my bed deceiving words are being fed delivering insecurity in my head actions are misleading honesty to be disbelieving I'm still alone just a shadow over my bed a reminder in my head I'm still alone mirrors are but a clone reflections of deceit more emotions to defeat the voice within doesn't end the lies I still defend in fear of what I can't see I can't defy what will be I'm all alone a shadow over my bed deceiving words are fed delivering insecurity in my head alone alone alone I lay my head we will see what lay's ahead (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 14th, 2007
10:38 pm	Worst Day Ever My dad called after not talking to me for two years.... I had three emotional breakdowns at work... My car broke down on the side of the highway.... I began the day by writing this.... become one my tears are dry there's no reason to cry I've found a mate and it's completely fate no need to define we've colored in all the lines things go unsaid needs are to be fed our connection is deep there are no sorrows for us to weep we're more than love no searching for a dove I am him, he is me together it's just we our existence is complete all the others compete to find that perfect one they surrender with no fun still we remain with no refrain two have become one we're more than love no searching for a dove I am he, he is me together it's just we we've become one Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 12th, 2007
3:11 am	Vegas! So Char and I have a beautiful apartment! Why haven't you been here to visit! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 27th, 2007
5:35 am	Love Isn't I went into this with whole heartness but you you wanted simpleness I tried to give you that but I'm just complicated love isn't a hooker on the corner with a dimebag for a dollar I wanted more more than that but I expect to much so I left with this an empty wallet and a lonely heart a lesson learned love isn't this love isn't a hooker with a dime bag for dollar who was I to be a fool none other than human emotion overwhelming temptation swelling a lesson learnend love isn't a hooker on the corner with a dime bag for a dollar i'm left with guilt your left with the best of me my pride I swallow I feel so hallow lesson learned love isn't a hooker with a dimebag for a dollar i found you on a corner love isn't there a dime bag to swallow yet i feel so hallow a lesson to learn and here i am finding... love isn't a hooker no love will ever be a dimebag for a dollar (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 25th, 2007
12:29 am	The God Named Me I haven't updated in a while. I love Las Vegas! The weather is amazing! There is always something to do, and you never have seen it all. Charlotte is moving out here come June. We will get a two bedroom house. This is exciting. It will be my first time living in a house vs. an apartment as an adult. I wanna get another cat. I went out to the bar on thursday to see justin. He was gonna be my future boyfriend but based on his current behavior he is my future ex boyfriend. I just don't like to play games. Its like your into me or your not, and if not your loss cuz its a previlage to be into me! No sweat each time I go out here I get hit on and am given numbers. The gay bar here plays hip hop music in one bar, and house music in the other dance floor! Its so fun! They also have go go dancers like you see in Queer as Folk. Then they have free beer for locals from 11 to 3 am on thursdays and saturdays. I like to go on thursday cuz you don't have as many tourists there. I have yet to see a vegas show. I have to work on that. They aren't that expensive if you a local. Well I did go to the Pussycat Doll/Christina Aguilera Concert at MGM. That was amazing! I cried 6 times. Her voice is so amazing it sends chills down your spine. I got promoted at work. I am not Merchandising Supervisor and Service Manager. I love my job. I have been stressed this week though. We have a visit next week from the DM and the RM. It will be their first time visiting since I got promoted. I feel like I need to really make a good impression. By having all displays done, and sections maintenced I am sure they will be impressed. I have been working my ass off. I stayed 1/2 hour late sunday, 1 1/2 hours late Monday, I had tuesday off but worked for 3 hours, had wednesday off but worked an hour, and then I stayed an hour late tonight. The visit is on wednesday. I have the day off but I intend to stay late monday and tuesday to make sure I got my shit together. Alright this is long enough. By the way Joss Stone's new cd is the shit! I love it. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 20th, 2007
6:16 pm	Mad At You I was never mad at you I was just always sad cuz you were hurtin me things you say are truths you believe to me they're ammunition destroyin everything I am your bitterness is rejection I was never mad at you I was just always sad cuz you were hurtin me security I wanted cruelity I endured the silent moments you thought I was mad at you all those times I made you believe but the truth is I was never mad at you I was always sad cuz you were hurtin me this pain isn't worth what love had created we weren't made to be one for another I will never be I will never be mad at you just remember you were always hurtin me (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 1st, 2007
12:27 am	Turmoil State of Being Shoes clattering on pavement this silent torturing enslavement our angst straining horizons grief burrows into deceit turmoil state of being was it worth seeing your avoidance defeating would we ever have succeded? our essence entwined a nihility existence emerges a blissful continuance illusions are misleading we were devot in believing fabrications are invigorating embellishments aren't sustaining turmoil state of being was it worth seeing? your avoidance defeating would we ever have succeded? so long to validation the us is absent substance is a hallucinate (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
1:09 pm	Work Drama Apparently Not Everyone LIkes me being promoted... I even made someone cry! DontWasteTheMoon: what straternity: i want to talk to you DontWasteTheMoon: then talk straternity: this isn't talking, its typing DontWasteTheMoon: go DontWasteTheMoon: i wanted to go to bed 20 minutes ago but i'm humoring you straternity: well thank you for humoring me but this conversation could have been over ten minutes ago if you would just talk to me straternity: i get the feeling your upset, i wouldn't know cuz you haven't talked tome DontWasteTheMoon: its just that nobody can be trusted in that store DontWasteTheMoon: so i'm not talking to anyone anymore straternity: exactly so why are you judging based on the gossip that is happening there DontWasteTheMoon: and for all i know you could blab all of this to everyone the next time you work DontWasteTheMoon: so that's why i'm being extremely vague DontWasteTheMoon: it's a fucking part time job straternity: i havne't blabed anything to anyone at work straternity: i am not like that DontWasteTheMoon: and i have school, my REAL social life, my future career, and everything else to worry about, so i don't need the bullshit at work straternity: i agree DontWasteTheMoon: but with me not talking it causes more controversy DontWasteTheMoon: and if i were to talk, it would cause more controversy straternity: lol who cares DontWasteTheMoon: so i choose the former straternity: well just shutting me out, and treating me coldly is horrible, i thought more of you DontWasteTheMoon: well i'd rather just slowly let you all go then start some big scene straternity: i don't understand how this all came about, one minute we were cool and then a few days later your not even speaking to me straternity: traylor, i have said nothing about you, there is no big scene straternity: when i have been aproached about you i said i have nothing to say believe what you want DontWasteTheMoon: but the truth hurts more than the silent treatment DontWasteTheMoon: that's what i've learned straternity: seriously i thought you were a great friend of mine, one of the closest people i have come to as far as friends go out here straternity: and i get this DontWasteTheMoon: but if i tell you, then i'm sure everyone else will know by association straternity: tell me what? i don't talk to people about things like this DontWasteTheMoon: well then DontWasteTheMoon: ever since you were promoted to supervisor you act like you won the nobel prize or something, and now you're the managements' little pet, and i feel like i'm in high school again with cliques forming and a social caste system DontWasteTheMoon: actually, fuck it DontWasteTheMoon: go ahead and tell as many people as you want DontWasteTheMoon: that should be heard DontWasteTheMoon: because that's wrong DontWasteTheMoon: it's a business for god's sake DontWasteTheMoon: and there shouldn't be a caste system in a fucking book store DontWasteTheMoon: and i'm tired of it all straternity: i am proud of my promotion, i have worked my ass of for years and never recieved a promotion, and i work my ass of at the store, you have acknnowledged that straternity: and i am happy about it, i don't mean to come off in a negative manner DontWasteTheMoon: not a negative one, an overly proud one straternity: well i have been working since i was 16 and never gotten as far in a company as i have at borders, so five years later i am proud. I am sorry if i come off as being a bigot, i think i have been trying hard not to DontWasteTheMoon: yeah, but that was like what really set me off DontWasteTheMoon: i don't know, i don't mean to be a bitch DontWasteTheMoon: and you truly are a nice person DontWasteTheMoon: like you're a good person DontWasteTheMoon: but i don't like certain things about you DontWasteTheMoon: and spending too much time with people can be bad DontWasteTheMoon: especially when that person can tend to be grating DontWasteTheMoon: and we can argue this until we are both blue in the face DontWasteTheMoon: about how you think i'm not "comfortable" with myself, and that's why i'm not a flamer and conform to the stereotype DontWasteTheMoon: and that i need to 'embrace my culture', when its not even a culture at all but some cliche pressed on us by the media and by our peers that i am completely and utterly tired of that makes me so angry sometimes that i want to scream DontWasteTheMoon: and we're pretty much the 2000's equivalent to the 1960's blacks, yet we're characterized by a bunch of cartoon character eunuchs who are only good for shopping and hanging out with girls and giving straight guys fashion tips DontWasteTheMoon: and while the blacks in the 60's were perserverent for their rights, homosexuals sit around and wait for shit to happen DontWasteTheMoon: its one of the most disgusting, lazy, over-commercialized, and socially perverted cliches to ever come about in america, and you tell me i need to "embrace it" DontWasteTheMoon: so that pisses me off as well DontWasteTheMoon: and actually, i am VERY comfortable with who i am straternity: well you take my embracing it to an extreme, there are parts of it i hate as well, and i wouldn't know you felt this way had you not told me DontWasteTheMoon: i have some wonderful friends, i know what makes me happy, and i know what i love and want to do with my life DontWasteTheMoon: if i was uncomfortable with who i was, i WOULD start chanting "i'm here, i'm queer" DontWasteTheMoon: so the fact that you've been emulating this stereotype for quite some time, plus trying to press it upon me, then in turn almost bossing me around, yeah, i'm going to get pissed after a while DontWasteTheMoon: and i only didn't want to say anything because how would i know this won't get back to melanie? DontWasteTheMoon: you seem to cling to her a lot straternity: its my job now to boss you around, and i have been trying to do so as politely as possible, i don't want to be the bad guy, i have had all the managers tell me i am now a supervisor and ihave to do this or that, so i have been trying to while keeping in mind you guys were my peers, i don't want to offend anyone and i don't like to make people upset, especially people i care about DontWasteTheMoon: well it just seems VERY excessive DontWasteTheMoon: like i know what time i'm supposed to clock out DontWasteTheMoon: i know when customers are coming DontWasteTheMoon: i know what i have to do at the register DontWasteTheMoon: i've been working there for 9 months DontWasteTheMoon: i feel as if some of the stuff you tell me to do you only do for the sake of telling me what to do straternity: taylor not to be rude but sometimes you get to chatting and it feels like things are getting done, before it owuld be ok cuz i didn't care, i wasn't responsible for it getting done, but now i am straternity: and as for your last remark straternity: its not true at all straternity: infact i try to avoid telling you what to do straternity: at work, stephanie had to tell me three times to have you unsticker the table before i told you straternity: and i tell danielle and amber to do alot, more so than i feel i ask you because i know they won't mind straternity: i am no better than you, however i am placed in a postion to ask and tell you to do things, i do that because it is my job, not because you are taylor straternity: i would rather have the friendship we had than be your supervisor straternity: i really hope you understand, the transition hasn't been easy for me, i don't mean to upset you or offend you DontWasteTheMoon: i do DontWasteTheMoon: but also the whole thing with cassie and you and everyone spreading shit about melinda and john DontWasteTheMoon: what makes me think you won't be spreading this as well? DontWasteTheMoon: its like leave the poor people alone DontWasteTheMoon: they're good people, and melinda's been alone/depressed for a very long time and i'm fucking happy for her straternity: i said one thing to only you about melinda and john and about ten minutes later i had her reaming me for it DontWasteTheMoon: and i think everyone else should stop acting like 12 year old girls and be happy for them as well straternity: i learned my lesson straternity: cassie and i don't talk about melinda and jown DontWasteTheMoon: yeah, because i was a victim of untrue rumors in high school, and it ruined me so i had to leave DontWasteTheMoon: so i stop them whenever i can and go straight to the source DontWasteTheMoon: and i don't think that's immature of me, but very reputable DontWasteTheMoon: and so do many other people DontWasteTheMoon: nobody likes a gossip queen DontWasteTheMoon: in the real world i mean DontWasteTheMoon: in bitchy suburban circles yes DontWasteTheMoon: but no straternity: i admitted to you that day i was being a gossip queen and i said it to only you straternity: and i heard about it from melinda less than ten minutes later straternity: i am happy for her, i thought they were gonna break up, she led me to believe that at the time, and i know more than anyone your her best friend there, i thought it would be ok to talk to you about it straternity: i made the mistake straternity: and i have talked to melinda about it DontWasteTheMoon: yeah DontWasteTheMoon: well i don't know DontWasteTheMoon: no offence, but everything was just a lot more peaceful before you and cassie and some other people started there DontWasteTheMoon: and its nothing really personal DontWasteTheMoon: its just that this kind of shitty drama wasn't going on when the old people used to work there like christine and gilmore and ethan DontWasteTheMoon: and melinda and i talked about that today DontWasteTheMoon: so i don't know DontWasteTheMoon: its just a shitty situation and i HATE being reminded of my last few months of high school, even though they were pretty petty DontWasteTheMoon: it was still kind of tramautaizing, but i'm over it now and everything, but just i hate being around immaturity sometimes DontWasteTheMoon: and i feel that's all i get at work now DontWasteTheMoon: and i wish everything would just calm down and we could all just work peacefully DontWasteTheMoon: and i'm not saying as soon as you got there the shit hit the fan straternity: taylor i am being completely honest with you DontWasteTheMoon: it all just escalated into something that it didn't need to straternity: it really has esclated into something it didn't need to be, but i have never spread any rumor about you, i hope that you know i wouldn't, its not me. I enjoyed the friendship we had, and at times miss it straternity: i don't like you giving me the cold shoulder at work DontWasteTheMoon: i don't care about me personally DontWasteTheMoon: like as soon as i leave work i forget about it DontWasteTheMoon: and go home and do whatever it is DontWasteTheMoon: like its all old hat to me by the time i've clocked out DontWasteTheMoon: i just hate having an uncomfortable working environment, and seeing melinda, one of my closest and dearest friends, in the backroom sobbing her eyes out, and getting weird looks from melanie, and you bossing me around, and seeing a hiearchy form, i'm going to get pretty damned uncomfortable straternity: i am glad you can seperate it, i can for the most part, but i thought we were friends and thats why it bothers me straternity: to my knowledge i have never made melinda cry, and if i have then her and i need to talk about it, i wouldn't want to hurt her anymore than i would want to hurt you straternity: both of you are good friends of mine, or so i thought straternity: i don't do that to my friends DontWasteTheMoon: well i'm sorry that i've been a bitch DontWasteTheMoon: i just needed time to think DontWasteTheMoon: and i really don't want to get involved in any drama straternity: i understand that, thats why i haven't talked to you about it straternity: people need space straternity: i understand that DontWasteTheMoon: like i really don't want to hear shit circulating like "you think there's a hiearchy?" or like "i heard this about you" straternity: well then you will understand the same for me straternity: i have been approached with the same shit straternity: and i just say believe what you want straternity: thank you for talking to me it has meant alot straternity: i am sorry i have made you feel the way i have straternity: it wasn't my intention at all DontWasteTheMoon: but the thing is DontWasteTheMoon: like i have experience DontWasteTheMoon: like when melinda was promoted to supervisor, absolutely nothing changed DontWasteTheMoon: and i feel as if a lot has changed with you straternity: well at the same time you were hearing shit straternity: i was to straternity: so we distanced ourselves and let each other get pissed off straternity: and it builds up, i was waiting for you to talk to me but finally i decided i would approach you DontWasteTheMoon: yeah DontWasteTheMoon: well just don't tell anyone how i feel DontWasteTheMoon: becuase i don't think its anyone's business DontWasteTheMoon: since it doesn't have anything to do with anyone else except you and me straternity: i agree straternity: and would appreciate it recipricated DontWasteTheMoon: it will be straternity: the last two weeks have been hell for me, i think i lost some hair over it all straternity: lol but really DontWasteTheMoon: but seriously, get over it DontWasteTheMoon: haha DontWasteTheMoon: like find other things to stress over DontWasteTheMoon: because its some microcosm that people take too seriously straternity: i want to be friends with you, and would like to continue to talk to you outside of work DontWasteTheMoon: its a retail job that pays 9 bucks an hour DontWasteTheMoon: agreed straternity: i like you more so outside of work 8-) and please understand when it comes to bossing you around, its my job, when i don't do it, i have other supervisors telling me that i am not straternity: i don't mean to be offensive with it, today i realized that sometimes i am, its just me being stressed out, and nothing personal straternity: its something i have to work on straternity: we all have our flaws right? DontWasteTheMoon: yeah definately (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 29th, 2007
11:55 pm	Your Music Has Captured Me Your music has captured me i am trapped in your melody lost in your words, your voice, its just soothing i've found common ground wanna stay awhile stand on my own but you i've found yes you i've found to be my common ground we move along one step at time its the next verse hard to notice cuz its your chorus I'm stuck on Your music has captured me i am trapped in your melody lost in your words, your voice, its just soothing with you there's no refrain i took to you faster than a moving train close my eyes no need to see cuz its your voice that moves me the notes play along taking me far away to another place to feel your embrace I feel so safe Your music has captured me i am trapped in your melody lost in your words, your voice, its just soothing i've found common ground wanna stay awhile stand on my own but you i've found yes you i've found to be my common ground (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 28th, 2007
3:02 am	When There's No One There commotion all around creates misery unsound its not my home its a random street i've found a stranger to be seen, a friend to make, an enemy to break are these things i should fake or just more of life to take? when there's no one there there's nothing to fear it's only me to see so clear its my reflection that stares looking into my soul, there is no goal theres just a heart thats been broken, only kind words must be spoken for it's healing begun whats in the past is done viewing litter scattered among the street its like a dwindling retreat, each piece of trash is like my history being smashed when the road becomes clear, then am I allowed to cheer? when there's no one there there's nothing to fear it's only me to see so clear its my reflection that stares will this street ever become clear? May my heart still be able to cheer? Must I overcome each piece of trash to get through my past? Help I need answers fast! As my heart begins to heal, my brain begins to fear, Can I break the cycle or will there be another Michael? I'll never know if I let this panic grow Why can't I go with the flow It's my emotions that need control It's then I can reach a goal when there's no one there there's nothing to fear it's only me to see so clear its my reflection that stares the days come to an end, to my bed my ascend does my heart have an answer to the question I think its my mind that needs oppresion (Comment on this)
Friday, January 12th, 2007
1:44 am	My Time to Do My Crime reaching for my time card clocking out really isn't hard the night's young my fun's just begun It's my time to do my crime I'm alone and thats fine It's my mind, not hard to find I'm alone and thats fine I'm going to a place thats mine a place I never wait in line I'm going somewhere only I dare somewhere my music can blare I'm finding my place to be a place without a fee I'm finding what is me a place to be free It's my time to do my crime I'm alone and thats fine It's my mind, not hard to find I'm alone and thats fine a place with a smoke break where I'm not fake a place where I rule there's no one to fool I'm nothing but content hell I pay the rent I'm everything I dream I am my own regime Geo (Comment on this)
Friday, January 5th, 2007
2:59 am	Prior Engagements Do we ever really get over past relationships or do we adapt to life after them? Each situation is different, some are easier to move on from than others. However at one point or another they always resurface. So my question is: Are we really moving on from them or are we just shutting them out? Are the two options the same, and we are just making believe we are over them as a way to cope? I am sure I am over past relationships, however when dating, a guy will do something like run his finger across my elbow, and all of sudden the feelings I had the moment Scott would do that would resurface... it was his signature. So am I over it or have I just shut it out as a way of "getting over it"? Am I indeed over the past, or have I indeed lied to myself all this time? A friend of mine was in a seven year relationship, not so recently single, claiming to want to enjoy life, however is it just the scar tissue of the previous relationship keeping him from a new one, and is this wanting "to enjoy life" just a lie to cover up the past? Either way, when a relationship ends, a new life begins, wether or not we ever move on or just shut the past out, there's always a hope that the next one may be the "one", and without the prevoius "one" could we ever really be ready for this one? (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 31st, 2006
9:09 am	Sex and the City Season Two Episode Titled The Man, The Myth, The Viagra is pure genius! I love Steve, and the fact that he and Miranda fall in love. Big also seems great for Kerri... Mayb love can exist between to people. There is a possibility that there are two people out there willing to set aside their greed to truely let somoene love them! I love sex and the city! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 26th, 2006
10:32 am	What You Should Mean To Me Looking in the mirror you think your hot Really you look like my stomach in knots But it seems that its not your fault I made you believe all those thoughts Thank you for showing me What you should mean to me Under false pretenses I fell To Lies you didn’t have to tell You cruel coldhearted bitch You make my skin itch You’ll eventually fall I hope to see it all Thinking of you my soul is broken From the words you haven’t spoken This song vindicates the action you’ve taken The bond we created has been forsaken Thank you for showing me What you should mean to me Your reflection, the face you’ve painted Show’s an emotion that’s just tainted Ugly as you are underneath it all I saw something that was worth the fall Thank you for showing me What you should mean to me Under false pretenses I fell To Lies you didn’t have to tell You cruel coldhearted bitch You make my skin itch You’ll eventually fall I hope to see it all Geo (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 21st, 2006
9:39 am	When Blow Jobs become neccesary.... remember you may be on your knees, but you got em by the balls! (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 14th, 2006
10:43 am	from a distance i'll fly the wind takes the clouds by i'm sorry it's hard to say goodbye i keep thinkin about that look in your eye do you remember dinner that time we sat drinking our white wine remincsin about the good ole days there were thoughts i didn't say that night, I wish we hadn't parted ways I thought our friendship was a fling who'd a thought I found my one sure thing distance creates seperation miles apart the truth is you still have my heart from a distance i'll fly the wind takes the clouds by i'm sorry it's hard to say goodbye i keep thinkin about that look in your eye your picture makes my heart beat longing for you has been quite the feat i can't wait for the day again we meet I thought our friendship was a fling who'd a thought I found my one sure thing distance creates seperation miles apart the truth is you still have my heart Geo (Comment on this)
10:01 am	The Life When you think of Vegas, you tend to think of this glamorous fast paced crazy life. Which for some maybe even most that is what it is like.... for me.... totally the oppisite. Its really lonely here. Yeah I have my family, and I love them to death don't get wrong. However for the most part they have opposite schedules and I hardly get to see them. I miss having friends, and a social life. Yeah I have went out, and the few times I have went out its been fun... I think I may have fucked up.... I became friends with the wrong people once again... Well I haven't even gotten the chance to become friends with them. I was seen out with a guy once, and when your new to a place and your present yourself with someone then others assume they know you...In my past I have made friends with prissy gay guys that have totally fucked my shit up. They have lied right to my face while spreading nasty nasty rumors about me behind my back. I think I may have found myself in the same situation. I have made plans to hang out with two different guys within the last month. Of those two guys both have not called or shown up when we were supposed to meet. Yes it is bothering me, but it hasn't really bothered meto the point that I am like woe is me... I don't think its anything I did to turn them away. I am wise when it comes to the gay scene. I think one of the guys I first befriended has a jeaslousy issue, and may be saying things to people, to keep them from persuing interest in me. I am not like oh my life sucks, this always happens to me, but I am frustrated like damn, why is this happening? I see in television shows, and even in going out here and in lansing that there are gay guys that have alot of gay friends that they spend time with. I don't want a boyfriend, yeah that would be nice, but I mean really, I just want to have some gay friends. Working in the mall I seen it all the time, I know its not impossible, infact it doesn't look like its hard to do, but for some reason.... it never works for me! Any suggestions as to what I may be doing wrong would be wonderful... I don't really wanna change who I am, beacuse I love myself, but maybe a few minor adjustments may be neccesary to reach my goals. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
7:31 am	I've Taken Flight Where did I go My emotions flow What can I do My mind is cruel Welcome to the night I've taken flight My inspirations sigh My insecurities high Are they all right? My body shivers with fright They all scream your so unfair don't they know I can't care I want to be me I hope the see I can't possibly be What they want from me Welcome to the night I've taken flight My inspirations sigh My insecurities high Are they all right? My body shivers with fright Everywhere feels dark My heart begins to bark To each revelation I fear Everything you may hear (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 3rd, 2006
10:27 am	My Life as a Gay Debutante in Vegas..... Yesterday I applied to attend school. Registration ends Jan 12 and classes begin Jan 16... That is exciting. I am really getting into the grove of things. Now if I just had some cash flow.... I kinda wished I had moved out here sooner. A car is a must have, and with no bills, and 40 hours a week by Janruary I could have gotten a car. Oh well, you know my last few months in east lansing were one of the funnest times of my life, so I don't have any complaints. I was considering not going to school and just trying to work till fall. However I won't meet people, or really be progressing my life in the direction I want it to go in, unless I finish school. I went out to the gay bar here for the first time the other night. It was crazy... We didn't leave the gay bar untill 530 in the morning, which would be 8 30 in the morning Michigan time. Some of my friends were getting up for their day while here I was just leaving the bar. Rediculous. I met a few gay bois.... so let me tell you the drama.... you know wherever there are gay men there is plenty of drama. I met this guy named Jonathan. Really nice guy, kinda took me under his wing, showed me around, introduced me to a few guys. Then later in the night I meet Diego. Suddenly him and Jonathon are like being so rude to each other. One calls the other a bitch, so I kinda just duck out, and go talk to this guy named Chris, that Jonathon introduced me to earlier. He and I talk, and Jonathon was talkin to this Nick character for a while. So then NIck gets introduced to me, we talk for a few minutes, he asks for my number. Later in the night he sends me a text message. I am with Jonathon and am like, oh that was Nick. Ok so basically on friday Jonathon says something to Nick, and I get a text message that says let the drama begin! I am like whoa there kids, I have only known you guys like less than 12 hours. Then Diego calls me and is like your friend Jonathon is a bitch. He said this and that to me.... Whoa nelly! Way to much! So that was my introduction to the las vegas gay scene. (Comment on this)